Rory Kilmartin




I have dedicated my adult life to better understanding

the human experience, with particular focus on

the full potential of intimate relationships,

how power dynamics shape our lives,

and the journey of maturation itself.

Who Am I?

My name is Rory Kilmartin,

I am a Relationship Researcher from London.


At an early age I had the sense something was ‘wrong’ with the way human beings were relating to each other.


At the age of 12 these realisations came to a head following another unpleasant

experience and I vividly remember deciding with all my being, ‘I was not going to do that to the person I love,’ and so began my life-long enquiry into love and relationships.


Over the last thirty-three years I have read, explored, discussed, observed, interviewed, studied, read, deduced, demystified and discovered numerous,

fundamental principles of the human experience, which when understood

make life much easier to navigate and enjoy.

Over these years I have often been catapulted into areas of enquiry

after coming across mysterious aspects of the human condition.


One of the earliest mysteries I observed was that many people

are far more forgiving and respectful of their friends than they

are their intimate partners.


I also observed evidence of this often when two people who

knew each other as friends and were kind to each other. 


However, this kindness seemed to disappear after

starting a relationship with each other.


Another mystery I observed years ago was how kind, well meaning,

benevolent people with all the best intentions in the world and who are kind

and loving to each other most of the time can descend into total dysfunction and then cold disconnection, sometimes for days, over simple disagreements or frustrations.


Many more mysteries have appeared over the years and these apparent anomalies have fostered enormous curiosity to understand the driving forces that create widespread dysfunction, violation and heartbreak for so many people.


Over the years, people began to interview me and seek my thoughts on the confusions of their own lives and in 2003 I was inspired by various friends

and research partners to write my first book.


In 2004, inspired by those same people I created and facilitated a series of one-day workshops in London.


Fast forward 30+ years and my research has led me to interview

hundreds of people, work with dozens of private coaching clients,  

and seek out elders, mentors and teachers.


I have also had the astonishing privilege of sharing my findings via

workshops in London and around the world.


The power and potential of my findings emerge when I share them with other like-minded people.


Because of the proven and significant positive benefits my clients have experienced I continue my research, so that others can benefit.


Whilst working with my clients, I have one simple intention, which is to to help them ‘see more clearly’, thus enabling them to navigate their lives with more grace, compassion and strength.


What do I do?

If you are experiencing confusion and dysfunction in your own life, or simply searching for answers, you can benefit from my research findings in the following ways:

  • Archetypal Relationships

    ONLINE Workshop

    During the first year of offering this program online we have seen over 150 people graduate and change their lives. This 10-week course with interactive workbook will reveal the driving forces as described above. This body of work alone will demystify huge amounts of confusion in both your relationships and your entire experience of life itself.


  • Invitation of Love - ONLINE Workshop

    The Invitation of Love is a dive into ‘Models of Relationship’ and how they deeply affect our experience of relationships. This workshop answers many of the most pressing questions surrounding love and relationships and reveals the full potential of both. The clarity this workshop provides will liberate you from confusion and mystery whilst empowering you to relate to the people you care about with greater compassion and understanding. Put simply, all your relationships will improve, including with your self.

  • Private Coaching

    My Private Coaching Practice is for individuals or couples who are seeking focused support to resolve issues that are troubling them. This direct attention often produces rapid positive progress and is hugely beneficial for those who participate.


    Through serving my private coaching clients over the last decades I have been able study relational dynamics first hand and develop a very strong understanding of the human psyche.

  • Forthcoming Books

    There are 3 books currently in development;


    - The Game of Life: Understanding the fundamental principles of maturation.

    - The Balance of Power: A deep dive inquiry into the prove process that is the Balance of Power.
    - Jealousy is Optional: Overcome the Monster and Reclaim Your Sanity.


    More information coming soon!